Whenever we find ourselves in a situation for which we are filled with anger, frustration and then we find our words and deeds demonstrating that which we recognize quickly to be un-Christlike behavior; what do we do? We excuse ourselves for not being able to forgive someone. After all, they have hurt us so deeply that we have the right to be angry. We have blurted out words that are meant to hurt or injure them in the same manner they have hurt us. We search for evidences to prove that we are right in our anger and bitterness. We pray and try to lay the anger at the cross, seeking forgiveness; yet, within the next few hours, once more, the evidence of our unforgiving heart blurts out some statement or proof that we are right in our anger. When these cruel words once more pour from our lips; we recognize that we have not truly dealt with the issue. Instead we have only tried to cover it up. We realize that deep within the recesses of our heart there stands a much bigger issue that we have not dealt with. So, perhaps, the better question would be instead of what do we do; what can I do that will result in my fulfilling Ephesians 4?
Ephesians 4: 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
The following steps will help you and me to recognize the root of the problem, so that we might present Christ to the world in all that we say or do.
1. Plunge deep into the recesses of your heart to locate those areas of darkness locked away. You don’t want those exposed even to God. Perhaps you are afraid that if God saw the depth of covetousness, the desires for self exaltation; He wouldn’t be able to love you anymore. The truth is…He already knows every thought and every blemish of your heart; and, yet, He has chosen to love you. Psalm 69: 5 "O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee." Often, it is there where we have hidden some painful memory which we have capped so tightly that we think we have hidden it from ourselves; but, it sits waiting to explode into our current situations. Ask God to help you recognize it so that God can gently take it, covering you with His love while you weep in His arms until the pain goes away.
2. Remember that God is on His Throne. Nothing can happen within the Christian’s life but what it has been either ordained by God or has been allowed by His Sovereign will. If that is true and God’s promise is that all things work together for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28); then within everything God has a plan. Sometimes that plan is to sift us so as to remove the chaff that remains in our hearts. His purpose is to make us look more like Christ. There are things within us that may require pain to remove them. There are things that need to be purified by fire which we would attempt to hold tightly and He needs to burn so that we become more like Christ.
3. Identify what is the true source of your distress with the issue. That is sometimes a laborious task and can only occur as we ask God to reveal it to us. I guarantee you that whenever we feel hurt or wronged it comes from a deeper problem within our own heart than whatever the perceived offence is. And, yes, I said perceived. Most of the time it is our perception and the reality is that the other person never meant to cause harm; but were themselves trying to deal with deeper trials or desires of their own. Generally our response is coming from fear (a lack of faith), recollections of painful moments from our past, reactions to unresolved past conflicts with someone else that we have stuffed into the darkest recesses of our heart. "for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." Luke 6:45
4. Delve into the scriptures to grasp hold of the covenant promises of God and cling to them. I am certain that in step three you will discover that there are issues which you have never by faith accepted God’s promise to cover. Sin is always evidence of a faith issue. Do you really believe all that God has said? If that were true, you could never be anxious, unruffled, sorrowful, or affected by the circumstances that surround you; instead, you would have peace, joy, hope, and love which continuously reflects Glory back to God as a mirror reflecting to the world His Glory (not your own.) "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." Hebrews 11:6
5. Erase the negative audio tapes that play in your head and replace them with new tapes. You know which tapes I am talking about. Follow Paul’s directions when replacing those tapes with new ones. "whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" Philippians 4:8
There you have it, if you take the first letters of each word you will find the word PRIDE. You might say; but mine is not pride I am struggling with self doubt? Is that not also pride? Do you think that you are so important that your mistakes, self frustrations, sins are too big for God to forgive or to take care of? Sometimes, self doubt is a form of backwards pride because it still keeps me focused on myself and not on my Savior. When focused on my self doubt or desires I become preoccupied by my self and I forget that it is not about me. It is about a world in need of a Savior and God needs me to reflect His Glory, His Love, and His Joy to a desperate world.
So, let me end this with a story. Much of my life I have struggled with the need to feel loved, the need to feel validated, and the need to feel that at least at something I was good. That has pushed me further and has been a motivating factor in my life which can be good; but as with everything it becomes a matter of the heart whether that can be good or turn toward self exalting behaviors. I worked very hard to succeed at work. Whatever task was placed in my hands I marched forward and asked God for His guidance and strength, recognizing it was not my own strength that could accomplish it. When did that turn from being a mission for God into something that I clung to with all my soul? I can’t tell you. Perhaps I would have never known that it had changed; until one day God ripped the secure position I thought was my stronghold from my grasping hands. My position was suddenly changed and I became frightened, angry, frustrated, and I felt betrayed. I wanted to find someone to blame; someone for whom I could be angry. I plunged deep into my heart to try to understand this anger; because, I knew that anger could not be a part of who I am in Christ and could cause harm to the name of Christ. I needed to find those dark spots in my heart so that God’s light could shine into them, dispelling their power. At first, I did not realize it was God who ripped it from my hands. Remembering the truth of Romans 8:28 I told myself that if God is in control and His plan was to make all things work together for good; then this was part of His Plan for my life. So I began to pray desperately to remove the anger and please not allow this to hurt my testimony for God. I would think finally I had conquered this when suddenly out of nowhere came angry thoughts or snide words. Ok, so there must be something much deeper I needed to identify. I began a nightly journey in which I asked God to reveal the source. There it was, I had replaced my only true source of joy (God) with a counterfeit joy in my work. I had begun to believe that my protection, my sense of being loved, and my security were found in my job; rather, than truly trusting God when ever the counterfeit joy seemed to slip from my hands. I delved into the scripture once more to cling tight to my only hope which was grounded in the covenant promises of God who was the one who loved me, provided for me, and protected me. Then, I began the arduous task of erasing all the negative tapes and replacing them with those of virtue and kindness. What a patient, gentle, and loving Father I have. He has a plan for my life and I trust Him to finish the work He has begun in me. I could now fulfill Ephesians 4: 31-32; at least for today until some other piece of chaff needs to be sifted and I must walk through these steps again. Knowing this, "13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 13-15.
So what stands in your way of fulfilling Ephesians 4: 31-32. Read the verse again, now that you know the steps to guide you toward fulfilling it.
Ephesians 4: 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
