Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 NKJV
By the spring of 2003, a restlessness grew deep within. I knew God was drawing me; but where and why? Having just returned from a Nurse practitioner conference, I was throwing away the pamphlets and brochures when one fell open. There I saw an advertisement for a job with Florida Cardiology in Orlando, Florida. It had been Orlando where my daughter was born. It was Orlando where I had met Pete. So, I applied and was offered the job. While considering what to do, I received a call with a job offer in Oklahoma as well that I had not even applied for. The doctor who hired me in Springfield had left and was head of a program there. He was a man I highly respected; yet, after much prayerful consideration, I felt compelled to go to Orlando. Why would I leave Springfield? Was I running to something new or away from something?
During the time in Springfield I had begun to recover from the debt of “survival” credit cards used while battling cancer and ulcerative colitis. I had slowly recovered from the havoc that the steroids had wrought on my body. I had been found to have a mass on the pancreas which after many biopsies was idiopathic chronic pancreatitis. Also, in Springfield, I thought I had found Prince Charming; only, he really wasn’t. Infatuation? Fantasy? Or real love? How does a romantic heart know the truth? Somehow, I had always confused my compassionate empathy for a hurting soul with love. Every bleeding, wounded soul I met presented a possible love.
SO, NEXT LESSON IN LOVE:
“Mercy, Grace is to flow freely without expectation of gratitude, devotion, or love in return. I cannot buy love with kindness. Indeed, if I desire anything in return for Grace, it no longer is really Grace.” Tough lesson for me. It was a lesson course that would span another decade; including the majority of my time in Orlando to learn. Yet, each season God patiently used to show me another wondrous aspect of the spectrum of His Love toward me.
COULD HE BE THE ONE?
So, as I promised, I will tell you of my next lesson on discovering love’s truth. This time I met someone who was only supposed to be in Springfield for a temporary time period. There was a dream he had wanted to fulfill, had fallen short of their goal, and felt defeated. Rushing in with Mercy and faith, I swept him up as a friend to encourage him. Over the course of time, I had confused my role as encourager with love. “Maybe, just maybe; he would love me in return”, I thought. Ignoring all the warnings along the way, I ran ahead. When it was time for him to leave, I felt broken hearted, confused and filled with guilt for my own foolish heart wanting to be loved. So, maybe my restlessness and desire to leave Springfield came as a way of running away from love?
I MUST GO
When all the boxes were packed (mine and Mom’s) and all the preparation was in place; the person whom I had been infatuated with returned to Springfield and ultimately stayed. I left. As I drove that big truck, pulling the large trailer behind; I cried most of the way to Florida. Yet, I knew that it was God who had commanded me to leave and I was going to trust Him for the next phase of the journey. I did not fully understand why I was commanded to leave; but, I knew that God had laid the road before me.
LESSONS ABOUT GOD’S GRACE (ANOTHER ASPECT OF GOD’S LOVE)
God’s Grace is freely given. That is one aspect of God’s love that is so hard for our human brain to comprehend, at least mine. The same way that I wanted devotion and love in return for my Grace; I always believed that God’s Grace was conditional upon my devotion and love in return. But, in that I was wrong!! God’s Grace is poured out freely.
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)
If I then try to repay God’s Grace, “I” am working to pay back a loan for what was already given freely. I can never work long enough or hard enough to pay back that debt. Indeed, when “I” try to “work” to pay back God; I have once more put “me” into the picture. Truth be told!! There is nothing these guilty hands could ever do to make me worthy of His love or to repay His Grace.
Does that mean, I just run on in my life with no thought of God’s Grace? NO!! Paul asked and answered that very question.
“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” (Romans 6:1-3)
THEN, WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I WIN OVER SIN?
By trusting and believing that God’s Grace was sufficient to cover my sin at the point of salvation, His grace was sufficient to cover every blundering step I have taken, and His Future Grace will cover every step I will take. When I recognize that my only victory over sin is Christ Jesus, then, I long to focus on Him. As I keep focusing on Him, I learn more of who He is. The more I know of Him the more I desire Him. His majesty, beauty and glory compels me to ever spend more time in His presence. He then transforms me by His Spirit in me doing the work. When I understand Grace, I am freed from “me” trying to earn His favor. When I quit looking at me, I can see HIM more clearly. A lesson it has taken a lifetime for me to learn. In fact, I am still learning step by step by Grace!!
CONCLUSION
Why am I so willing to tell you of all my blundering failures? Because, I need you to see HIS Grace, Mercy and Love. If God never gave up on this heart, He is certainly not going to give up on you. [bctt tweet=”As long as I tried to earn God’s favor or love; I failed miserably. ” username=”effiedarlene”]Yet, His patient, enduring love stood steadfast. Because of His Love that never gave up on me, I long to read His word and to spend time alone with Him in prayer. I know I cannot survive the next moment if it weren’t for His Grace. [bctt tweet=”The only way to battle sin is to trust in His Unfailing love to provide the Grace for tomorrow. ” username=”effiedarlene”]Only then do you let go of the wheel and trust Him to drive you safely home.
The song I chose for you today is You Love Me Anyway
New King James Version(NKJV) Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.