Category: Christian Blog

How to Prepare Mind, Heart and Spirit for Battle

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

So, I had to prepare for battle in every way possible. It was certainly not the first battle I had fought. I had the battle scars to prove that. Each battle  presents with it’s own unique trials and lessons.  I needed a strategy, map it out on the playing field of life so that I could march forward into battle prepared to win with God at my side. Well, at least that was what I thought.  God smiled and let me plan.

mighty warrior

MIND GAMES

First I had to prepare my mind for the actual events that were coming. I couldn’t just ignore the truth that surgery was needed followed by chemotherapy. So as best as I could I needed to plan in a manner as to focus on whatever good I could focus on. The surgery was being scheduled for early December because they had to coordinate the schedules of the surgeon and the plastic surgeon. They recommended reconstruction on the same day as the mastectomy. Personally, I thought that was such a good idea!! So, after meeting with the plastic surgeon; the plan was for a tram-flap reconstruction. That is, they take a muscle and fat from the abdomen and from that they form a breast.  I shuddered at the thought. Sounds awful; but, I decided to focus on the positive.  I was going to have a tummy tuck paid by the insurance. I determined that to think of positives with chemo as well.

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How to Find the Strength in Love to Battle Cancer

But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble. Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy. Psalm 59:16-17

It was late October, 1998 when I first heard that dreaded word. There was a light fall breeze and I had been listening to wonderful Christian music as I nearly skipped to the Doctor’s office. Deep inside I knew all was going to be ok. The needle biopsies had all been negative. The mammograms had all been negative. The Doctor had decided to do the open biopsy only because I insisted and because the ultrasound had looked a little funny. God’s plan for me was good. I was half way through my Master’s Program in Nursing. So whatever had been that lump-it was gone now and I knew the Doctor was going to give me good news. My heart was singing songs of joy and praise, as I entered the office and awaited the doctor.

Love to win

“The cyst was just that a cyst. The lump that we had biopsied, I removed and it was negative—no cancer cells there,” the doctor began. “whew, I was right”, I thought; as suddenly I felt even more overjoyed. Then the doctor continued. “There was a small area near the back of the breast, behind the lump. I took a small piece from there in part to reshape the breast and the tissue looked a little different. The pathology from that piece was positive for a very aggressive form of breast Cancer.” Suddenly my heart sank. My mind began spinning. I could hardly hear the remainder of the words that came. But, I was there alone and had to grasp the words. Decisions had to be made and I was the only one who could make them; so, I must pay attention. “We need to do surgery, you will need a mastectomy”, the Doctor continued. “Then you will need chemotherapy and maybe even radiation. It depends on what we find in surgery and the final staging of the cancer.”

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What More Could He Do to Prove His Love?

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.          Isaiah 53: 3-6

Before I begin the new chapter of my life story; I really want to pause to consider once more what faith really is. That is what were going to be the major lessons that I would have to learn over the next 2 decades of my life? What does faith really look like? What is it? What better day to look at that than today, “Good Friday!” The most horrendous act of mob injustice ever and we call it “good.” The day when all  the sins of the world, the horrors of the concentration camps, the terrorist bombings, the death of innocent children, and every evil gossiping word that ever came from my own lips were bore by perfect righteousness. He was beaten for my sins. He was mocked, humiliated, and hung on a cross to pay the price of my sin. As He hung there with all the sins of mankind upon His shoulders, the most horrid of all things was when His Father’s joy, love and spirit turned away. The entire earth shook!! Darkness covered the world as the only true light of the world gave up His life to plunge into death alone, naked and covered with my shame, my guilt. We celebrate that as “Good” Friday.

jesus christ picture

artwork by permission of Ronald Barba

The Centurion Soldier which was in charge of Christ’s execution watched as all the events unfolded. He had heard Jesus say “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). This Soldier had witnessed the conversation among those upon the cross. He had watched Jesus tell John to care for Mary. Whatever agony was His own,

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What Happens When The Potter Decides To Remold The Vessel?

 

Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words. Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying, O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel. Jeremiah 18:2-6

Life settled in ok. In some ways it seemed this long distance marriage had the benefit of not having to deal with how different we were. Before I married Terry, I had placed one rule. “You do not know the history of all my children have had to face. You will not interfere in how I choose to discipline, raise, or guide my children. If you disagree with what I have done; then, you will tell me in private. I will take your thoughts into consideration.” He swore to abide by this rule and did. Actually, he never even took the time to speak with or get to know my sons.  All seemed well. Comfortable at least. 6767514_l

When the Master Potter choses to remake you, what then?

I began to wonder about getting my Master’s Degree to become a Nurse Practitioner. Maybe then, I could better support my family. When I applied to Vanderbilt, Terry told me, “You won’t get accepted there.  I’ve known too many nurses who tried and that school is too hard to get in to.” But I was accepted right away, and was asked to start in September 1997. I thought about delaying, except Alberto and Ronald both told me to “do it.” They assured me that they could be responsible enough to manage the house and attend high school each day. I trusted them to do just that and told them so.  They were

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Why Do I Keep Failing? I Just Want To Be Loved!

 

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:7-9

So, it was that I settled back into my home town. There was a comfort of being back home. Mom had even bought me a house; despite, my having asked her to wait and let me buy one. I loved being a nurse, a mother, and a follower of Christ. You could say I was contented. It was a time to just let my roots dig a little deeper. There were scars that needed to heal; and, I needed to help my sons through their teen years.

brokenness to beauty

One of the other nurses looked at me one day and asked, “Why don’t you date? All you do is work.” “I have my children to raise;” came my quick reply. “But don’t you owe it to them to go on with your life as well? They will be grown soon. At least come with us this Thursday, there is someone I want you to meet!” So, it was I met Terry. He made me laugh and to feel a bit more alive. Very much the country boy. Looking back, I realize a part of me wanted to find that feeling of safety I had felt with my Daddy. Terry and I had very different dreams, goals, hopes and even worlds in which we lived. Both of us came to the table with a lot of expectations and needs. His home and all that he loved was an hour away from my home and all that I loved. Our beliefs, goals and spirits were even farther apart. Had we either one realized that or had we truly understood that we both came in need not love; we wouldn’t have married. But we did get married and tried to make work a long distance marriage. I stayed in Dexter and he stayed in his cabin in the woods.

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