Chapter 10 The Grace in Which we Stand

Romans 5: ¹Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

²By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Within the recesses of this verse is the key to getting off the rollercoaster of Christian living. It holds the power that we need to stand firm, never wavering with our roots dug deep, unshakeable no matter what the hurricane that surrounds us. How could I possibly say that these two little verses can hold such power over sin? Let me help you to understand by carefully dissecting this out for you. Oh, that God give me the wisdom and the words to make this truth real to you so that it may transform your life forever.

“Therefore being justified by faith” begins these two verses. Wherever there is a therefore, we need to look to what has been said before since the basis of this statement comes as a direct inevitable conclusion to what has already been said. Paul in the chapters 1 through 4 has laid out in great detail man’s dilemma as a sinner with no means of earning merit by his own works. He demonstrates God’s absolute justice and wrath against sin. Carefully, He lays out God’s plan of redemption by Jesus Christ receiving on Himself God’s full fury for our sins; thus, paying our penalty once and forever by His death on the cross with separation from God the Father for a time. He then rises from the dead, victorious against Satan and all his armies to be lifted up next to the Father full of GLORY and HONOR and Dominion. He provided a way that unrighteous man might gain His righteousness and share in His Glory through faith in Him. Because of all this work being performed by the Creator of the entire Universe we may be justified by faith. Imagine He who spoke all the Galaxies into being came to earth, suffered and died that we tiny flecks of dust, so unworthy and ungrateful, might share in His full Glory one day. This is so big that it is difficult for us to even wrap our minds around such truth-it is too big for us. Yet, because of this we are declared just and righteous before Him, not because of anything we have done, but because of everything He has done. Our only act, is to see His Glory, to believe that He is and by faith accept this wondrous gift that He has given. There is no room for self-pride in our adoption as His child, only awe that He would choose me with all my flaws. “Therefore, because of all of this redemptive work completed by God we are justified (declared innocent or guiltless; absolved; acquitted) by faith in the one who paid our price for sin to the only true Just and Righteous Judge-God.

By faith in Jesus Christ and through His power and might, we “have peace with God.” His entire just wrath against sin has been satisfied by the atonement of His son, so that we might enjoy peaceful, joyful communion with God. Instead of the wrath we would deserve, we now have His full blessing. Jeremiah 29: “¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. ¹²Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you” By the justification of Jesus Christ, we are moved into the position of being sons and joint heirs with Christ of everything He has. Romans Chapter 8 tells us “¹⁴For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. ¹⁵For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. ¹⁶The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: ¹⁷And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” As part of this package of peace we have been provided with the Holy Spirit who reminds us of this promise of peace. Christ promised this peace in John 14: “²⁶But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. ²⁷Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. ²⁸Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I

Through Jesus Christ “we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand.” Please listen very closely to this. By faith in Jesus Christ we have access into grace which is the force that makes us stand firmly in our Christian walk and reconfirms and circles back to fill our faith which opens our eyes more fully to Grace that holds us firm in the palm of His hand. Mercy does not give us what we deserve (death, wrath and penalty). Grace gives us what we do not deserve which is God’s unmerited favor toward us. Grace which holds us up is based on the power and might of God; not by my power at all. Over and over God tells us that whosoever comes to Christ will be transformed into the image of Christ. This is found both in Romans 8: 28-29 and II Corinthians 3: 17-18. He confirms this as His work through the Holy Spirit. Having been saved by Jesus Christ and His power, it does not then change that I keep myself through works of my own. Do not get me wrong here. I am not saying then to run after sin so that God’s grace might be magnified. There are two major problems with that idea. First, if you are never longing after Him then I would wonder whether you had ever seen Him through the eyes of saving faith. Second, since He has confirmed that He will complete the work; He will use however much fire and chipping needed to mold you into Christ’s image. I certainly do not want to be the child molded into obedience, kicking and screaming all the way. There is another important point to it being Grace that sustains us. If you indeed are seeking after Christ, then stop worrying so much about yourself and your failed attempts to follow. Again, He will complete the work and we are held by His strength, not our own. We need to rest and relax in that promise. He made a new covenant which He will not break to each and every person who accepts Christ as their Savior.

This covenant is recorded in Hebrews 10¹⁰By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. ¹¹And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins: ¹²But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God; ¹³From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.  ¹⁴For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified. ¹⁵Whereof the Holy Ghost also is a witness to us: for after that he had said before, ¹⁶This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them; 17And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. ¹⁸Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin. ¹⁹Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; ²¹And having an high priest over the house of God; ²²Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)” WOW!! Christ paid the price once and for all so that we may enter in boldly to the throne of God. He commands us to hold fast the profession of our faith not because we are faithful but God is faithful who has made this promise to us. Our righteousness is held tight by the power of God who cannot and will not deny himself. So what about those moments that your faith may waiver? He still holds us. 2 Timothy 2: ^13”If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.” Guilt and shame which continues with us after we have turned it over to God is our way of saying that Christ is not enough. Can we raise ourselves to such levels as to say I am too holy to forgive myself when God has forgiven us? Read Romans 8: “31What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?  ³²He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? ³³Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. ³⁴Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.” I do not have the right to condemn even myself once I have laid my sin at the feet of Christ. I am to confess my sin, then get up with my focus ever more fixed on my Gracious Savior and march forward with Him, “the author and the finisher of my faith” as quoted from Hebrews 12: ¹Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,  ²Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. ⁴Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.”

Our ability to Stand Firm is based wholly upon Grace. By that I do not wish you to imagine something soft and fragile; but rather this comes with the Mighty Power of A God who spoke the Galaxies into being with one breath. Grace reigns through Jesus with Power, Authority and Dominion over the entire Universe. That is the power that makes you stand and keeps you standing, and stand you will even in your weakest moments because God Himself is holding you there. Romans 14: “⁴Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.”

Because of all of this, “rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” Would there be any reason left not to be joyous. He saved me, He sealed me and He will finish the work of transforming me into the image of Christ. I must rejoice in the hope that I will look like Christ. Maybe not today, but I will one day look like Him in all His Glory. That hope should be enough to keep me rejoicing through whatever trial or tribulation may come my way; knowing that God is working out my perfecting and He only has my best interest at heart. Our faith which is anchored in Jesus Christ is not only for what He has already done but that this Sovereign, Omnipotent, Omniscient Savior is steady about the work of imparting His Glory to me. I see glimpses of that Glory, little changes and transformations that are forever presenting themselves in me. I, like Paul, have not yet obtained it; yet, I look more like Him today than I did 10 years ago or 20 years ago. He will complete the work He started in me by His power and might, Hallelujah, Amen. Our Faith is anchored in Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. His promises remain steady and sure; therefore, our faith is not grounded and supported by yesterday only; but sustained through today and creates steady hoping for tomorrow, joyfully awaiting the grace that will come in the future. Knowing this stabilizes us and removes that rollercoaster from our Christian Walk.

The Grace in Which I Stand

Oh feeble heart, Oh fragile soul

Where is the hope on which you hold

With all the failures of your past

Where is the faith to make you bold

Where is the faith to make you bold

 

There was a King though blameless He

That came to pay my penalty

And in that act He set me free

To follow Him in liberty

To follow Him in liberty

 

It is His love that drew me out

And in His Grace I shall not doubt

That He who started this work in me

Will finish it with a Glorious Shout

Will finish it with a Glorious Shout

 

One day the finished work be done

That I might look then like God’s son

Sifted, shined just like pure Gold

As Glory shines forth, Glorious One

As Glory shines forth, Glorious One

 

And in this hope my faith conformed

I know my life will be transformed

I stand upon this future grace

So for His work my passion warmed

So for His work my passion warmed

 

So in this faith I firmly stand

That formed in me as God had planned

No force on earth can shake me free

My future held by God’s great hand

My future held by God’s great hand.

 

My life-so filled with hopes and dreams

Lay shattered at Your feet

So many tears, so many pains

I’d laid before Thy seat

Can I look upon Your face of love

And question what You’ve done?

For You have been my only hope

My only morning sun

You’ve seen my heart when crushed with pain

Your hands have held it tight

When I have been so weak, so frail

You’ve shown Your strength, Your might

You’ve held me close within Your arms

When darkness filled my night

And when I could not see my way

Your eyes, they gave me sight

I lay my life within Your hands

That You may heal my soul

And keep my eyes upon You Lord

That I may reach Your goal

Shine forth Thy grace, Thy mercy Lord

And let me be Thy light

That all may see Your eyes of love

The blind, they might have sight

Let not the sorrows, nor the pains

Bring bitterness within

And give me strength to walk this path

Protect my heart from sin

I lay my heart, my soul, my dreams

Before Thy throne of love

I lift my eyes to You, My God

And seek Your will above

Thou art the only one I need

To fill my heart with glee

It is Your face, my one true love

Tis all I need to see

So lift me up and hold me close

Reveal Thy love divine

That through the holes within my heart

A world might see You shine

And if the sorrows of my past

Can touch a wayward one

I thank you Lord for each dark path

That lead them to Your son

I praise You now from mountains high

For each dark path I’ve trod

Twas there I found Your heart, Your love

Twas there I found You God

What great and wondrous joy I know

Because You are my king

And though the path I cannot see

My heart will trust and sin

A song of praise unto You Lord

Who knows what’s best for me

You’ll hold my hand and lead me on

In darkness, I can see

Your love, Your help, Your guiding hand

Is all I’ll ever need

So hold me close unto Your path

For this is all I plead

I’ll skip with joy along this path

Though darkness may surround

Because I know You hold my hand

My feet will e’er touch ground

I cannot fall outside Your love

I cannot lose my way

I’ll hold my broken dreams once more

And see them real, one day

A song of praise unto You Lord

Who knows what’s best for me

You’ll hold my hand and lead me on

In darkness, I can see

Your love, Your help, Your guiding hand

Is all I’ll ever need

So hold me close unto Your path

For this is all I plead

 

Love Effie Darlene Barba

The Grace in Which I Stand

by Effie Barba

Oh feeble heart, Oh fragile soul

Where is the hope on which you hold

With all the failures of your past

Where is the faith to make you bold

Where is the faith to make you bold

There was a King though blameless He

That came to pay my penalty

And in that act He set me free

To follow Him in liberty

To follow Him in liberty

It is His love that drew me out

And in His Grace I shall not doubt

That He who started this work in me

Will finish it with a Glorious Shout

Will finish it with a Glorious Shout

One day the finished work be done

That I might look then like God’s son

Sifted, shined just like pure Gold

As Glory shines forth, Glorious One

As Glory shines forth, Glorious One

And in this hope my faith conformed

I know my life will be transformed

I stand upon this future grace

So for His work my passion warmed

So for His work my passion warmed

So in this faith I firmly stand

That formed in me as God had planned

No force on earth can shake me free

My future held by God’s great hand

My future held by God’s great hand.

Philippians 3: ¹³Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

¹⁴I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Throughout this life we develop goals for which we strive to complete. Many times our goals are life stages—finish high school, go to college, find a career, get married, or start a family. For some, it may be to excel in some sport. Some want an Olympic Gold Medal. Whatever goal we seek, our success depends on how passionate are we to complete that goal in life. What are we willing to sacrifice in order to complete that goal? Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something. The term is also often applied to a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love. Passion can be expressed as a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion towards a subject, idea, person, or object. Great athletes generally must rise above the crowd in a passionate pursuit that drives them far beyond the average man. Often they are immune to realizing pain, as they drive themselves past injury, past fatigue in order to finish the race first. They stay focused on the final goal and will give any sacrifice to complete it. They spend hours and hours in constant hard sacrificial training with the final goal always pressed before them. It is no wonder that Paul used such an analogy to the Christian walk. I am not there yet; but this one most important thing is the only worthy goal for which I place all my passion toward completing. I must forget all the former failures, sorrows, and pains so as to constantly stretch forward to reach that most important of all goals. I press ever forward with training, self denial for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Keeping Christ Jesus as my goal ever before my eyes, I lay aside everything else as unimportant in comparison to knowing Him in all His Glory.

Take a look at the passages just before 13 in Philippians 3: ⁷But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.

⁸Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

⁹And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

¹⁰That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

¹¹If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

¹²Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

So, the question comes within our Christian walk, “Wherein lies your passion?” Is there anything that you see as being so important that everything else pales in comparison? Some would say their spouse or their children are the most important. Some people feel success or position in life is the most important thing. Even at that, often people may think themselves passionate about something only to later find it unimportant—hence divorce, child neglect, and poor work ethics still run rampant in our society. Often in our Christian walk we are rather lackadaisical about our Christian life. We run hot and cold all too often with no true zeal or passion. We lose focus on our goal. Our Bible lays neatly tucked next to our bed and comes out only to accompany us to church on Sunday. Such a precious gift of His Word so that we might come to know Him better by reading and studying it; yet, it frequently lays unopened while we retire to watch TV in the evening or a movie. Could we say, “I count all things loss, for the Excellency of knowing HIM”? After all if TV, Family, the internet, and the phone prevent us from even opening His word would we rather say, “I count Christ loss for the Excellency of knowing and having all this stuff? What are we passionate for? We too often go to prayer and reading the Bible only when there is a crisis in life or when we want things to go a different way. We fall to our knees in prayer and weeping, “Oh, God, please change these circumstances. God where are you? Why did you let me get sick? Why did I lose my job?” But when life is going along ok; did you ever just sit down and talk to Christ Jesus, your best brother and friend? Do you ever look into the sky and just laugh because of the beauty and share that laughter with God? Have you ever gone to work and can’t wait to get home to see the next sermon in a series, hands perspiring with the anticipation? Through the day do you hear gospel love songs for God running through your head, as you joyfully go about the tasks of your day? I need to get you awake on this one. Does your heart beat with excitement when you hear a song of worship and praise?

Paul had learned that nothing, absolutely nothing was as important in life as to know Christ Jesus intimately, intensely filling ever crevice of our hearts, minds and souls. He also understood that sometimes we walk to pain or suffering so that we might share in His suffering and grow even deeper IN LOVE with this Blameless Lamb who despite being the powerful Lion of Judah, laid down His Life that we might know Him. What greater love is there than the unconditional, sacrificial love He has for us. His Glory, His Majesty compels our very heart and souls to praise Him. His overwhelming love for me reaches deep inside to transform this heart, so that I might catch a glimpse of what true, pure love is and thus be drawn ever closer to Him. Each year as I see a larger glimpse of Him, I find it so overwhelming that it fills each fiber of my being.

Most of my life I searched for human love, I begged God to give me a companion that could love me. I did marry the love of my life, but he was crippled by bipolar disease and unable to show love. Instead, he was physically and mentally abusive as he cycled through the phases of his illness. Amazingly, God taught me so much about unconditional love and the love of my heavenly Father through all those years. My husband died and I was devastated, he was my whole world (even if at times a sick world of pain and suffering). Many of the years of my life I sat alone and felt so desperately filled with loneliness and longing to be loved. During all that time and through bad relationships, I came to realize that never was I alone. God was there in the middle of the night when I cried myself to sleep and God was there the next morning when I would wash my face to go off for work. God was there as I talked to Him about my hopes for the day and to take away my fears while driving to work. He sometimes would awaken me with a song singing in my head at three am so I could smile, go back to sleep and know He already had the answer. I am so grateful that during all those years of loneliness, I was given the awesome opportunity to fall so deeply in love with Jesus that I could never turn back. He became the passion of my heart, as I had been the passion of His when He endured the beatings, the mockery, the pain, His Father’s momentary turning of His back, and His death on the Cross just because He loved me.

So, again I must ask you, “Wherein lies Your Passion? Is He, Jesus Christ the most important goal in your life? Are you willing to lose every other dream in order to follow Him? Will you diligently study and train so as to move ever closer to His magnificent Glory? I only hope and pray that you realize that to move ever forward in this Christian walk you need to become passionate about this one thing, as Paul the Apostle was, that everything is unimportant compared to knowing Him and pressing toward the mark for the Prize of the High Calling of our Savior. Ask Him to give you that heart of love for Him and He will. Once there, you will be able to know joy and hope no matter what the circumstances around you; because of the overflowing well of love and life inside you. The more you love God, the more love flows through you and circling back to God and back through you until becomes an every flowing spiral upward to heaven. Let me share with you this poem and I hope you enjoy it.

A TALK WITH GOD

Oh, let me Lord delight in You

And lay all else I hold aside

For no desire could mean as much

As hear Your voice, to feel your touch

And in Your arms abide

I feel the safety of your arms

Surrounding me throughout each storm

And when the bitter winter wind

Would bid my very spirit bend

Your breath will keep me warm

Forgive me Lord, this fragile heart

Sometimes desires too much

Forgetting You are all I need

Then comes my tears, my plead

To stop and feel Your touch

I then can hear your gentle laugh

The love within Your voice

“My child I love you evermore

My gifts on you I freely pour

The best for you my choice”

Oh, Lord I want to stay right here

And sit here at Your feet

To never step away from You

And then I cannot lose my view

No chance for fear, defeat

“But child I ask then who would go

To tell the wounded broken heart

That I their lonely heart would mend

If not but you, who can I send

If you refuse to start”

Then Father, Dear, I must say yes

To go and run Your bidding do

And You will cast aside my fears

Your hand will wipe away my tears

And keep my eyes on You

I know that You go with me now

You’re ever present in my heart

I feel Your joy arise within

I feel Your wondrous strength again

Your love will ne’er depart

II Corinthians 6:

¹We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.

²(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

³Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:

⁴But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,

⁵In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings;

⁶By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned,

⁷By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left,

⁸By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true;

⁹As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed;

¹⁰As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things

 

I had finally made it past the he surgery, the divorce was completed, the children grown and off to college—time to move on.  God led me to interview in Springfield, MO for a position as a hospitalist Nurse Practitioner.  Actually, I was going to be their first NP in this position and was given the opportunity to set the precedence.    I continued to be cushinoid   from the former steroids and continued to fight excessive fatigue.     Cushinoid appearance usually is marked by a moon face, a fat pad or hump on the neck and upper back, a protuberant abdomen with striae (stretch marks), and thin legs)  The only thing I had missing was the thin legs as mine were quite chubby.  With great hope and God’s strength, I moved to Springfield, MO February, 2001 and began this incredible job.  God provided me with the best of teachers when He placed Steven Leitch, MD as my boss.  I could not have found any more brilliant of a doctor to sit as student under.  Very quickly I grew to love the entire team which were the best of the best in my estimation.  They became my extended family and I worked very hard to help the teams success.  That was a wonderful first year and it appeared God had a wonderful plan and the illness finally behind me.    It would be just a matter of time to get out of debt .  It was the years in Springfield that I wrote a book titled “Mountaintop Experiences in the Valley”  which to date I have not published; but plan to soon when God says “Go”  

Spring of 2002, I began having increasing problems with abdominal pain and nausea.  I went to have it checked out when a CAT Scan revealed a mass in the head of the pancreas.  I needed and endoscopic ultrasound to determine if this could be cancer.    It took a couple of months to get this approved as it would have to be done in St. Louis.  Once approved, I headed off to St. Louis alone—I got hold of a friend who could pick me up and take me to the hotel next door for the night (I wasn’t suppose to be alone; but I figured God was there and that was enough.)   Once more I had gone to God with the recurrent theme, “ God, are we going home? It has been a long journey and I am tired.  Are You taking me home?  Keep strong to die glorifying You.”  A mass on the pancreas generally means a short time until dying.  I had finally been losing weight also (took so long after the steroids)    I prepared letters for my children and wrote out my funeral wishes .  I wanted to be prepared.  Ultimately we found that no definitive diagnosis could be obtained and that the biopsies only showed  inflammatory changes.  Ultimately I was diagnosed with  chronic pancreatitis.  Since I did not drink nor did I have an elevated triglyceride level so it was determined that either it was autoimmune (presentation fits) versus idiopathic.  Blood work was never fully confirmative; although mildly positive for autoimmune.   

So once more, God had said “no” to going home yet.  Still each time, I found myself closer to God than the time before.  During these time periods, my life still affected those around me.  Some would tell me that it was amazing the faith I had; meanwhile, I kept telling them I was the most fragile Christian leaning hard on a faithful God.  Somehow, even then, when my finances were crashing around me I helped others when they needed it and continued to tithe—knowing that God would bless me. 

It was that fall that mom began calling frequently that she was declining mentally.  I made multiple trips back to Dexter to try to get mom back to her psychiatrist; but all to no avail.  Finally, I brought her to Springfield where she was admitted to the hospital followed by the psychiatric unit.  I hunted her an independent living apartment and found a brand new one-bright and beautiful.  With the help of my nephew, Derrick, I moved furniture from her house to set up an apartment for her—that way she could be close.  Once we had everything set up, Mom looked at Derrick and said, “See, she is stealing everything from me.”  I was crushed; but knew this had to be because she could not be alone anymore.  Every day off, I made trips to pick up other things that she wanted from her house.  Despite my working 60 to 70 hours per week, I visited her at least every other day or sometimes daily on my way home.  She stayed in the independent living apartment until we moved to Florida and she has been with me ever since. 

Just like the title of my book, “Mountaintop Experiences in the Valley”  I truly lived the scripture  I Corinthians 6.  I was poor; yet rich and sorrowful, yet always rejoicing in the Lord.   Let me quote for you excerpts from one of the chapters I penned in 2002 and copyrighted in 2003. 

THE POTTER AND THE CLAY
“cannot I do with you as this potter? Saith the Lord.  Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are ye in mine hand.” Jeremiah 18: 16

When I walk through pain, suffering, loneliness and deep valleys; I want to cry out to God and beg that He change my circumstances.  I question His reasoning and ask, “Why?”  I struggle within His hand.  Sometimes, I feel that He has walked away and is far from me.  Surely, if He were present and truly loved me, He would intervene and remove the pain.   How can it be that my life is constantly filled with troubles, if God is supreme? He knows the desires of my heart, why must my heart be constantly broken? 
When struggling with the trials that we face there can be an answer found in the example of the potter and the clay.  This was the example God gave to Jeremiah.  God’s love for His people was so great; yet, they resisted Him and had turned away to worship other things.  He sent forth Jeremiah to tell them of His mercy and His love for them that they might once more turn their faces to Him.  It is in this setting that He sent Jeremiah to the potter’s house to learn of His ways.  “Then I went down to the potter’s house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.” Jeremiah 18:3-4.  We can also learn from the lesson of the potter.
In order for the potter to make a beautiful vessel from a lump of clay, he must first take the clay and knead it to remove any imperfections and air bubbles that may be present.  Depending on the quality of the clay, this may be a difficult process of pounding and kneading.  Once the clay is cleansed, he begins to work the clay gently in his hands to form it into a vessel of beauty.  At times, the clay resists within his hands.  He must pull, stretch and work the clay, sometimes gently and sometimes with great force so that it would yield into the form that he has meant it to be.  It is necessary sometimes to break the vessel he has formed and reform it so that it can be perfectly and beautifully made. The more beautiful the vessel, the more work it takes to form.  Without the work of the potter the lump of clay can never become a vessel of beauty and service.
This is also true of the Christian.  We can never become a vessel of beauty or service without the workmanship of the master Potter.   He knows all of who I am and what kind of vessel I could become in His hands.  “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee.”  Jeremiah 1:5.  These words spoken to Jeremiah are the same for me.  He knew me before I was ever formed in my mother’s womb.  He knew my heart, my strengths, and my faults.  He knew my every thought and my every need before I even existed.  He knew exactly what would be needed to guide me to become the vessel that He created me to become.  He knew what would be needed to bring me ever closer to Him, to bring me into the fullness of joy that He meant for me to have.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the first-born among many brethren.  Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.” Romans 8:28-30.  It is the knowledge of our Sovereign God that allows Him as the Master Potter to mold us from a simple, impure lump of clay into a vessel of light and love that can reflect Him to the world.  He wants us to be vessels that shine forth mercy and love to a dying and destitute world.  It is the greatest investment and achievement that we can have, leading the blind and the lost to Him.  He also knows that our joy is dependent on our relationship to Him.  He wants us to have joy.
Then, if I am to understand the pain and suffering that I face, I must first understand whom He is.  I must be able to see His heart, His wisdom, and His Sovereignty in order to walk through the refining fires of my own life.  It is only then that I can surrender myself into the Potter’s hand and trust Him completely.  It is in knowing who He is that we are able to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and the finisher of our faith.”  Hebrews 12: 1-2
He has loved me with His perfect love.  He proved this in the gift of His Son.  “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”  Romans 8: 32.  “For God so loved the World that He gave us His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but hath everlasting life.”  John 3:16.  He loved me so much that He endured the cross, the rejection, the guilt, that I might have life.  His love for me is perfect.  For that reason, He will not allow anything in my life that is not wrapped in His love.  He knew me and He loved me even before I existed.    When I understand His heart of love toward me, I will accept any hardship that comes my way, knowing that His guiding hands of love have allowed it and is holding me, molding me through it. 
Beyond His love is His wisdom, which is not limited by time or space.  Before the world was ever formed, He knew me completely.  “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”  Matthew 10:30.  The number of hairs changes constantly, as anyone knows when they brush their hair.  This constantly changing feature is what He used to remind me that He knows each minuscule moment of my life as well as He knows the whole of my life.  He knew every time that I would walk away, each time that I would doubt Him, and each time that I would fail.  He loved me in all my frailty. His wisdom could see my entire life and knows exactly what is needed to mold me into the vessel He would have me to be.  There are no surprises for God.  He still chose this lump of clay and He knows what He is able to form in His hands.   Not only did He know me, He chose me. “According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved”  Ephesians 1: 4-6.  He did foreknow me and thereby did predestinate me to be formed into the image of His Son.  His great wisdom only allows those things in my life that are to work toward His glory and my joy.
He is also sovereign.  “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” Genesis 1:1   David knew of His Sovereignty, as he cried out, “I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.”  Psalm 57: 2.  He who has dominion over all things.  “And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him for the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: and hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all.”  Ephesians 1:19-23.  He it is who has power over the storm.  “And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full#SYMBOL  And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.”  Mark 4: 37-39. 
This same God of love, wisdom, and sovereignty is the Master Potter of my earthly vessel.  If I understand fully who He is, how can I resist so when His hands reach out to mold me.  Should we not all cry out as did Isaiah, “But now, O Lord, thou art our father: we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of they hand.”  Isaiah 64:8  He has the sight beyond anything that I might see.  He knows the plan that is best for me.  Even when I don’t understand the plan, He is in control.  When it would seem that all around me is crashing in, I can rest assured in His promises.  In the midst of the battles of life, I can claim the victory, for the victory is His.
That is the same as He will do for you.  Perhaps today, the trials that you face seem too hard and you cannot understand what purpose they could have.  Perhaps you feel that you are breaking into pieces that cannot be repaired.  Just remember that you are in the loving Hands of the Master Potter, if you have ever accepted the gift of His salvation through Christ Jesus.  He will always keep His promise to you and will form you into a vessel of joy and light.  Cling to this promise.  Steadfastly hold to this truth and He will show you His way.  Always keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and the finisher of the race.  He finishes it for us.  He carries us through.  It is He who accomplishes it.  He will bring the peace and joy in the midst of your sorrow. 

Dearest Heavenly Father,  Thank you for having chose me and for being in total control of the molding of my life.  So often, I want or desire things in my life that may not be your plan for me.  Thank you for seeing and knowing what plan is perfect for my life and overriding my shortsighted desires.  It is you that I love and I just want to ask that when I glance to the right or left, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you.  In the midst of the storms of life, guide me.  Let me be able to always sing forth as Job “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”  As you help me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and on the promises of your word, I know that I will be ready to face the furnace of life and come forth as a vessel worthy of your light.  Let me lay down myself daily before you and allow you to shine forth through my life.  I know that I have peace and joy, no matter what is around me, as I rest in thy loving hands.   It is in the name of your Son, my Savior that I pray.  Amen.

                                                                  Effie Darlene Barba