Justification, Guilt, And the Road To Victory

Often that which drives a Christian into depression are the feelings of guilt.  We see the world through our own eyes of unworthiness toward God.  This can lead us to sin, rather than to allow us to rejoice in our position in Christ Jesus.  Our road to victory can only be seen fully when we know the truth. When I do not fully grasp the truth that in Christ Jesus I am declared righteous by the blood of Christ which cloaks me, I become guilty of unbelief.  That leads to my seeing every trial as a punishment from God, rather than seeing it as His transformative acts of Grace that build my faith.

As D Martyn Lloyd-Jones points out:

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Feelings of Guilt

Feelings of guilt can be a catalyst to transform our hearts or it can become a despair which traps us in a dark abyss of depression.  For mom in her bipolar world, feelings of guilt drove her to the place of attempting suicide.  She wanted to escape from her own feelings of guilt, which caused her so much pain.  Never recognizing the forgiveness of God, the grace she had been given, she was tortured by sins of the past.  We cannot negate our sin, for it is real.  However, our guilt must be laid before the cross of Christ alongside our sin.  We can never gain victory over the sin while remaining so preoccupied with self that we cannot allow God to be the only strength to overcome it.  As Ravi Zacharias wrote in his book Cries of the Heart.

            When expelled by irreverence, guilt makes life in mutual harmony unlivable. .. smothered by pride it makes one’s life unaccountable.  When concealed by fear it makes the pain unbearable.  (If) dismissed as cultural it makes morality untenable.  When claiming absolute innocence before God it makes the claim unjustifiable.  (Yet) when guilt surrenders to the grace of God, it makes the sin forgivable.  [1]

Haunted by Guilt

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While caught up in my own feelings, I could not see that Mom also struggled with feelings of rejection.  It is that way so often, you see.  Our own feelings of rejection cause us to reject the person we are projecting these feelings on.  Then, our actions cause them to feel rejected and a vicious cycle begins.

In her bipolar world, mom would walk into a room and believe she could hear what others were thinking.  What she heard were voices rejecting and critical of her.  Although these were her own thoughts about herself, it was easier to believe they came from others.  She was dealing with feelings of rejection and a desperate desire to be loved.

As I began to grow in Christ and understand more about His unconditional love and grace, I should have been able to reach out to Mom and help her see the same.  At moments I do; but, at other times, I fail to do that.  Why?  Because, I too, must each morning remind myself of who I am in Christ.  Daily, I must take up my cross, die to self, and live for Christ.  It is a day to day journey, seeking Him early in the morning, at moments through the day, and before I go to sleep at night.

Pride and quasi humility is always lurking at the door of our hearts, for as long as we walk upon this earth.  Yet, the Holy Spirit is there within us to guide us, to remind us of who we are in Christ, and to slay this dragon that would destroy us.

God’s Grace Overcomes

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In the previous post we began a look at feelings of rejection.  To deal with feelings of rejection; one must first recognize it for what it is: Pride.  As Christians so often declare, “I am but a sinner saved by Grace.”  Although this is true, all too often, it is used as a Quasi-humility.  For if you and I truly grasp that truth, we could never doubt God’s eternal love for us.  Never would we feel as though God has rejected us nor walk around depressed over our situation; believing, God must not want to bless us.  Even after we have laid our sin at the cross, our own injured pride refuses to let go of our feelings of rejection and accept the love God is pouring out upon us.

Then, trying to hold onto our self-worth, we project our own inner feelings onto others.  That way we blame someone else for our feelings.  Of course, we could begin by blaming our parents.  For me, that was easy.  Certainly, I blamed mom for my feelings of rejection, my turmoil with wanting so desperately to be loved.  Ah, but I was wrong.  I could not deal with those feelings of rejection until I saw them for what they really were: my own sin of pride.  You might wonder, “How can feelings of rejection be a form of pride?”

Simon Peter Comes Face to Face with Pride

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Feelings of Rejection

Most of my life, I battled with feelings of rejection; somehow, feeling I never measured up.  To gain God’s love, I felt I must try harder.  Somewhere amid the turmoil of my own mind, I believed love must be earned.  A dangerous place to stand before a Holy God.  My mind knew the truth of scripture; but, my heart longed to feel the reality of God’s love.  It would be a long road to discover the truth of God’s unconditional love and grace toward me.  Perhaps it was clearer, when at the age of five, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.  I knew then that it was grace alone that saved me.  Yet, I had to learn that it is His Grace alone that loved me every step of this journey, no matter what.

There within our emotions, the battle ground lies.  When facing feelings of rejection, we must first recognize it for what it is; an internal battle with the sin of pride.  One of the hardest things for pride to accept is an unmerited gift.  We want to believe we have earned it.  Our “self” rises up to heights of aggrandizement, seeing the world through our own eyes.  Yet, Christ calls us to crucify that self, so that our identity can be found in Him.  Though on this earth, Christ faced the rejection of men, the only time He faced the feeling of rejection was when all our sin lay upon Him. The Father and Holy Spirit, unable to look upon sin, had turned their back toward Him for a second in time and the wrath of God against sin was poured out upon Him, so that we might be redeemed.

Despair Within Rejection

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