II Corinthians 6:
1We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.
2(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)
3Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:
4But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,
5In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings;
6By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned,
7By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left,
8By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true;
9As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed;
10As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things
I had finally made it past the he surgery, the divorce was completed, the children grown and off to college—time to move on. God led me to interview in Springfield, MO for a position as a hospitalist Nurse Practitioner. Actually, I was going to be their first NP in this position and was given the opportunity to set the precedence. I continued to be cushinoid from the former steroids and continued to fight excessive fatigue. Cushinoid appearance usually is marked by a moon face, a fat pad or hump on the neck and upper back, a protuberant abdomen with striae (stretch marks), and thin legs) The only thing I had missing was the thin legs as mine were quite chubby. With great hope and God’s strength, I moved to Springfield, MO February, 2001 and began this incredible job. God provided me with the best of teachers when He placed Steven Leitch, MD as my boss. I could not have found any more brilliant of a doctor to sit as student under. Very quickly I grew to love the entire team which were the best of the best in my estimation. They became my extended family and I worked very hard to help the teams success. That was a wonderful first year and it appeared God had a wonderful plan and the illness finally behind me. It would be just a matter of time to get out of debt . It was the years in Springfield that I wrote a book titled “Mountaintop Experiences in the Valley” which to date I have not published; but plan to soon when God says “Go”
Spring of 2002, I began having increasing problems with abdominal pain and nausea. I went to have it checked out when a CAT Scan revealed a mass in the head of the pancreas. I needed and endoscopic ultrasound to determine if this could be cancer. It took a couple of months to get this approved as it would have to be done in St. Louis. Once approved, I headed off to St. Louis alone—I got hold of a friend who could pick me up and take me to the hotel next door for the night (I wasn’t suppose to be alone; but I figured God was there and that was enough.) Once more I had gone to God with the recurrent theme, “ God, are we going home? It has been a long journey and I am tired. Are You taking me home? Keep strong to die glorifying You.” A mass on the pancreas generally means a short time until dying. I had finally been losing weight also (took so long after the steroids) I prepared letters for my children and wrote out my funeral wishes . I wanted to be prepared. Ultimately we found that no definitive diagnosis could be obtained and that the biopsies only showed inflammatory changes. Ultimately I was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis. Since I did not drink nor did I have an elevated triglyceride level so it was determined that either it was autoimmune (presentation fits) versus idiopathic. Blood work was never fully confirmative; although mildly positive for autoimmune.
So once more, God had said “no” to going home yet. Still each time, I found myself closer to God than the time before. During these time periods, my life still affected those around me. Some would tell me that it was amazing the faith I had; meanwhile, I kept telling them I was the most fragile Christian leaning hard on a faithful God. Somehow, even then, when my finances were crashing around me I helped others when they needed it and continued to tithe—knowing that God would bless me.
It was that fall that mom began calling frequently that she was declining mentally. I made multiple trips back to Dexter to try to get mom back to her psychiatrist; but all to no avail. Finally, I brought her to Springfield where she was admitted to the hospital followed by the psychiatric unit. I hunted her an independent living apartment and found a brand new one-bright and beautiful. With the help of my nephew, Derrick, I moved furniture from her house to set up an apartment for her—that way she could be close. Once we had everything set up, Mom looked at Derrick and said, “See, she is stealing everything from me.” I was crushed; but knew this had to be because she could not be alone anymore. Every day off, I made trips to pick up other things that she wanted from her house. Despite my working 60 to 70 hours per week, I visited her at least every other day or sometimes daily on my way home. She stayed in the independent living apartment until we moved to Florida and she has been with me ever since.
Just like the title of my book, “Mountaintop Experiences in the Valley” I truly lived the scripture I Corinthians 6. I was poor; yet rich and sorrowful, yet always rejoicing in the Lord. Let me quote for you excerpts from one of the chapters I penned in 2002 and copyrighted in 2003.
THE POTTER AND THE CLAY
“cannot I do with you as this potter? Saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are ye in mine hand.” Jeremiah 18: 16
When I walk through pain, suffering, loneliness and deep valleys; I want to cry out to God and beg that He change my circumstances. I question His reasoning and ask, “Why?” I struggle within His hand. Sometimes, I feel that He has walked away and is far from me. Surely, if He were present and truly loved me, He would intervene and remove the pain. How can it be that my life is constantly filled with troubles, if God is supreme? He knows the desires of my heart, why must my heart be constantly broken?
When struggling with the trials that we face there can be an answer found in the example of the potter and the clay. This was the example God gave to Jeremiah. God’s love for His people was so great; yet, they resisted Him and had turned away to worship other things. He sent forth Jeremiah to tell them of His mercy and His love for them that they might once more turn their faces to Him. It is in this setting that He sent Jeremiah to the potter’s house to learn of His ways. “Then I went down to the potter’s house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.” Jeremiah 18:3-4. We can also learn from the lesson of the potter.
In order for the potter to make a beautiful vessel from a lump of clay, he must first take the clay and knead it to remove any imperfections and air bubbles that may be present. Depending on the quality of the clay, this may be a difficult process of pounding and kneading. Once the clay is cleansed, he begins to work the clay gently in his hands to form it into a vessel of beauty. At times, the clay resists within his hands. He must pull, stretch and work the clay, sometimes gently and sometimes with great force so that it would yield into the form that he has meant it to be. It is necessary sometimes to break the vessel he has formed and reform it so that it can be perfectly and beautifully made. The more beautiful the vessel, the more work it takes to form. Without the work of the potter the lump of clay can never become a vessel of beauty and service.
This is also true of the Christian. We can never become a vessel of beauty or service without the workmanship of the master Potter. He knows all of who I am and what kind of vessel I could become in His hands. “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee.” Jeremiah 1:5. These words spoken to Jeremiah are the same for me. He knew me before I was ever formed in my mother’s womb. He knew my heart, my strengths, and my faults. He knew my every thought and my every need before I even existed. He knew exactly what would be needed to guide me to become the vessel that He created me to become. He knew what would be needed to bring me ever closer to Him, to bring me into the fullness of joy that He meant for me to have.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the first-born among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.” Romans 8:28-30. It is the knowledge of our Sovereign God that allows Him as the Master Potter to mold us from a simple, impure lump of clay into a vessel of light and love that can reflect Him to the world. He wants us to be vessels that shine forth mercy and love to a dying and destitute world. It is the greatest investment and achievement that we can have, leading the blind and the lost to Him. He also knows that our joy is dependent on our relationship to Him. He wants us to have joy.
Then, if I am to understand the pain and suffering that I face, I must first understand whom He is. I must be able to see His heart, His wisdom, and His Sovereignty in order to walk through the refining fires of my own life. It is only then that I can surrender myself into the Potter’s hand and trust Him completely. It is in knowing who He is that we are able to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and the finisher of our faith.” Hebrews 12: 1-2
He has loved me with His perfect love. He proved this in the gift of His Son. “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” Romans 8: 32. “For God so loved the World that He gave us His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but hath everlasting life.” John 3:16. He loved me so much that He endured the cross, the rejection, the guilt, that I might have life. His love for me is perfect. For that reason, He will not allow anything in my life that is not wrapped in His love. He knew me and He loved me even before I existed. When I understand His heart of love toward me, I will accept any hardship that comes my way, knowing that His guiding hands of love have allowed it and is holding me, molding me through it.
Beyond His love is His wisdom, which is not limited by time or space. Before the world was ever formed, He knew me completely. “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” Matthew 10:30. The number of hairs changes constantly, as anyone knows when they brush their hair. This constantly changing feature is what He used to remind me that He knows each minuscule moment of my life as well as He knows the whole of my life. He knew every time that I would walk away, each time that I would doubt Him, and each time that I would fail. He loved me in all my frailty. His wisdom could see my entire life and knows exactly what is needed to mold me into the vessel He would have me to be. There are no surprises for God. He still chose this lump of clay and He knows what He is able to form in His hands. Not only did He know me, He chose me. “According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved” Ephesians 1: 4-6. He did foreknow me and thereby did predestinate me to be formed into the image of His Son. His great wisdom only allows those things in my life that are to work toward His glory and my joy.
He is also sovereign. “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” Genesis 1:1 David knew of His Sovereignty, as he cried out, “I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.” Psalm 57: 2. He who has dominion over all things. “And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him for the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: and hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all.” Ephesians 1:19-23. He it is who has power over the storm. “And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full#SYMBOL And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” Mark 4: 37-39.
This same God of love, wisdom, and sovereignty is the Master Potter of my earthly vessel. If I understand fully who He is, how can I resist so when His hands reach out to mold me. Should we not all cry out as did Isaiah, “But now, O Lord, thou art our father: we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of they hand.” Isaiah 64:8 He has the sight beyond anything that I might see. He knows the plan that is best for me. Even when I don’t understand the plan, He is in control. When it would seem that all around me is crashing in, I can rest assured in His promises. In the midst of the battles of life, I can claim the victory, for the victory is His.
That is the same as He will do for you. Perhaps today, the trials that you face seem too hard and you cannot understand what purpose they could have. Perhaps you feel that you are breaking into pieces that cannot be repaired. Just remember that you are in the loving Hands of the Master Potter, if you have ever accepted the gift of His salvation through Christ Jesus. He will always keep His promise to you and will form you into a vessel of joy and light. Cling to this promise. Steadfastly hold to this truth and He will show you His way. Always keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and the finisher of the race. He finishes it for us. He carries us through. It is He who accomplishes it. He will bring the peace and joy in the midst of your sorrow.
Dearest Heavenly Father, Thank you for having chose me and for being in total control of the molding of my life. So often, I want or desire things in my life that may not be your plan for me. Thank you for seeing and knowing what plan is perfect for my life and overriding my shortsighted desires. It is you that I love and I just want to ask that when I glance to the right or left, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you. In the midst of the storms of life, guide me. Let me be able to always sing forth as Job “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” As you help me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and on the promises of your word, I know that I will be ready to face the furnace of life and come forth as a vessel worthy of your light. Let me lay down myself daily before you and allow you to shine forth through my life. I know that I have peace and joy, no matter what is around me, as I rest in thy loving hands. It is in the name of your Son, my Savior that I pray. Amen.
Effie Darlene Barba